If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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