You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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