i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
