I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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