I will die if light touches me.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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