the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
