Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize