But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize