like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize