I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
wow bdsm is so cute
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
