i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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