just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
