dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
