If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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