There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize