Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
