If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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