Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
