My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
