You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
