I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He felt like a one man threesome
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
