i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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