Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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