I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
