It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
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