Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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