last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I can't turn off my feet"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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