he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
