I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize