honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
