No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
