There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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