apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
