i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
