we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
