Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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