Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
