Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
