Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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