I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
