everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
