Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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