I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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