the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
