are you still at the devil's house?
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize