he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Randomize
