You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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