Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Do vagina's smell?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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