So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Randomize
