i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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