you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
