guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you will always have a special place in my vag
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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