how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
