Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
