i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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