last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
