The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Sorry my hands just texted you
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
