I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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