she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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