"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
