I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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