My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
