How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We got so high we made milksteak
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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