Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
