he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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