we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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