I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
