Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
