I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
